Is Anything Sacred?
What is untouchable?
I sit today in a puddle of my own blood and tears.
Deeply impacted by this new Moon Cycle. This full moon.
I sit and wonder to myself:
How can one feel so deeply and survive? I am always amazed at our capacity as human beings. As women. As mothers. As creatives.
How can we stay within our capacity to feel when we are so bombarded seemingly intentionally to such a degree that it is nearly impossible for a precious nervous system to not decide to shut itself down out of self preservative tactics?
How can we as the ones envisioning a new earth. A new world, maintain connection to the pain, deep despair, grief, sorrow, horror, and agony at what is happening to our people. Our families, our children, our bodies.
I sit here in a puddle of my own blood and tears.
Bleeding finally after 38 days. Listening to the loud questions of the women of this sacred earth “Why is this happening?” “What is happening to me?” “Who and what is causing this?” “Is it CERN? What is CERN doing? What could it be?”
Why is nearly every bleeding woman I know wondering why her cycle was so different in June and July?
I sit in a puddle of my own blood and tears. Bleeding after a 38 day cycle that has been steadily 29 days for the last 10 months. Questioning “Is anything held sacred to the ones who are causing such disarray? Is anything worthy of being left untouched, held intact?”
My heart is aching knowing the answer.
There is nothing sacred to enough people.
And some of those people have unproportional power.
And because of what has been done to us; the unending paper cuts to our spirits that have left us feeling weakened to our core and uncertain of what can even be done at this point to make any difference at all, we sit and we wonder and we weep.
Or worse.
We lose connection.
We stop feeling.
We disconnect from the rage that we are meant to feel in response to being poisoned with every bite or sip.
We disconnect from our horror at the rising death tolls of mothers and children killed for the interests of those in power of nations the sake of truly God knows what at this point.
We disconnect from our inquisition about what happened to the people who fought back. The researchers, the doctors, the influencers, the documentarians. The ones who “committed suicide”. What happened to the men who started to question Boeing/Open AI? Is it true that they died due to the causes they reported? Why did we allow Snowden to be exiled and why did we do nothing with the sacrifice he made all under the guise of national security? Do you know how many facial recognition cameras are now up in the US?
We disconnected from the trail heads leading us down into deeper darker avenues because it’s already been “settled” or “permitted” or within days of the media no longer highlighting it (monsanto agricultural abuse, vaccine injury, Bill Gates and his msoquitos, Fauci and his crimes against humanity using Gain of Function technology, The Clinton Trials, covid mistakes, Epstein, Diddy, Ghislain, etc. the list is extensive).
We disconnect from our own bodies during birth in response to being told birth is a medical emergency that must be managed (but who am I to talk).
We disconnect from our grief that we feel in response to the loss of community connection.
We disconnect from our internal questioning regarding why so many men don’t have or make time to cultivate deep bonds with each other.
We disconnect from our longing for community as mothers because “we should be able to do it all on our own like everyone else.” Honey, we are all drowning. No one is thriving doing it alone.
We disconnect from our own capacity to feel the moment we are given an opportunity to not feel it, losing ourselves in whatever addiction works for us (drugs, alcohol, sex, consumption, yes but what of exercise, meditating, busyness, work, raising a family, church, reading, sleeping, cleaning). What are you using to betray your feelings and thoughts? To leave your body and mind? Add it to the list.
We disconnect to abide by global coercion so that we might be “granted freedom” to maintain our lives as we did before; like going to school, or going out to dinner, or gathering in groups, or traveling. We don’t blink when that coercion becomes black mail by way of virtue signaling to decipher who has done what and threatened to have our personal choices revealed.
We disconnect from our communities because we are so tired and drained and dysregulated that we can’t even have decent conversations with each other,
or take a call,
or respond to a text,
or follow through on plans,
or god fucking forbid stick around long enough to repair hurt feelings.
We disconnect from our elders because what is it that they have to teach us about anything when the world looks nothing like the one they were raised in. We don’t ask questions. What wisdom do they have to share with us, we wonder, and yet every generation is lost in their own confusion and no one is stitching the story together to create the full tapestry that reveals the truth of the what is being woven.
We disconnect from our ability to feel the earth’s rhythms working her magic within us.
We disconnect from our cycles.
We take the pill. Any pill. All of the pills.
We turn on the screen.
We stop blinking, stop eating with inner wisdom, stop feeling and therefore stop knowing, stop breeding for lack of interest in the most transformational experience one can have, stop loving each other, stop envisioning any other life for ourselves, our children, and our future ancestors.
I’m sitting here.
Bleeding. Feeling my body be impacted by something that hasn’t even touched it (at least to the naked senses) and feel the full weight of the hopelessness like a choke hold on the throats of those of us who don’t even know if there’s anyone there to hear us scream in rage and despair.
This is why I do what I do.
This is why I will write.
This is why I will never ever stop teaching us and myself to STAY.
Don’t look away, look within. Stay with what you see. Ask it questions. Explore. Get to the bottom of those nagging questions you’ve learned to ignore.
This is The ReWilding Process.
It is rebellion at its most divine.
It is reclaiming your presence, your peace, your power, your regulation, your ability to be in healthy relationships with your mother, your grandmother, your children, your husband or wife, your friends, your community, your Self.
It is laughing in the face of every powerful dollar spent to capture you, cage your soul, and make you feel powerless, helpless, and hopeless. As if you aren’t capable of making any difference whatsoever so why try.
Your ability to maintain clear vision & concise choices.
IN OTHER WORDS YOUR PERSONAL POWER.
I do this work to stay connected to everything that makes me human.
To stay connected.
To stay connected.
To stay connected.
Stay.
Beloved.
Stay.
Feel.
Talk.
Fight.
Cry.
Lose.
Try again.
Reach out.
Write.
Share.
Feel.
Feel.
Feel.
Move.
Act.
Believe.
Love.
Grieve.
Show us how it is done.
Beautiful human show us what lives within you. What lives within us all.
Feel that rod of light down through your spine. The one that connects you at once to the earth and the cosmos. To God and to this human realm. Feel that which connects you to all things. You are not alone. Feel it. That strength is not just yours. It is every iteration of you, your ancestors, and the stars with which you burst forth from.
Do not let Them take that from you.
The ones who have paid billions for you to be numb, and to live and make choices and spend money from that numb place.
The ones who have paid billions to make you feel sick, weak minded, broken, dependent, reliant on a pathologizing system, ugly, unworthy.
Be angry that it is all by design.
Be so angry that you refuse to feel any of those things any longer.
Be so angry that you decide to LOVE yourself.
Fight for your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and your ability to scream REGARDLESS of whether you think anyone will hear you.
YOU will hear you.
And YOU have that rod within you that reverberates into all that is.
Because there is something. Many things. All things. Sacred.
And it is up to us to hold and abide by that which is sacred.
Us.
The mothers.
The fathers.
The creators.
The artists.
The healers.
The ones who hold the light.
It is time, light force, to stand, connect, and calibrate.
To create a balance of light and dark.
Bring your light to the table.
With love, One Who Feels.
This month in class we are following the waves of the cosmos. I have curated a focus based on how August may impact us emotionally, relationally, and spiritually <3 Join me on Friday for Somatic Movement Meditation to practice staying.
See you on the mat